What should I do to get over a relationship?

I stuck chart papers all over the room, and marked each day and made endless to do lists, most of which I couldnt finish. And yet I tried. Day after day.

The world is ending Pallavi.

The first realisation that the only way you can go on, is by doing the things that you do, again and again and again. That you do not wait for things to get better, but you make it better.

Can I have a comfortable life as a nurse in Sweden? Can I buy a house and not worry about the cost of living?

I forced myself to shower, I forced myself to eat. I forced myself to show up at work even though I would take a half day and come back.

And days will pass by, and before you know it, you are singing in the shower again.

I realised the pain I feel, and the debilitating experience I am going through is not just in my head. Its real and its holding me back from leading a fully functional life. And so instead of languishing in shame, that I am a burden on everyone for merely existing, I told myself that I deserve help.

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My wonderful queer community, my childhood friends, and even that colleague that I barely talked to, quietly sliding in a box of palak paneer, at lunch time, which he specially asked his mother to cook for me.

I crawled, I trudged, I swayed from side to side but I held on. If I needed sleep, I slept for hours. If I needed crying, I didnt hold myself from crying. I allowed myself to be as sad as I wanted to be, validating my emotions.

I felt because I am human. I felt because I cared.

How far does good behavior take you in a prison?

That every act of resilence makes your belief in yourself stronger. That all the kindness you shower on yourself, and all the compassion you fill yourself with, makes your heart bloom again.

By doing just one small thing a day.

And one day, when someone says something really funny, you burst into laughter with happy tears streaming down your eyes.

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There may or may not be a perfect version of you.

Big, magnificent, pumped up I WANT YOU IN MY LIFE kind of love. There is absolutely no question of love not being there in your life.

I had the extreme luck to be surrounded by people who just overloaded me with love at a point where I just didnt feel lovable anymore.

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I can do this. I can do this because look at me, I have been at it, every single day.

Thats all I could think of, with my droopy eyelids heavy on anxiolytics.

Except it didnt. The world didnt end.

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And yet in the middle of the night, I would wake up with a spasm of pain, and cry into the silent darkness.

And that I would take my own sweet time to recover because I do not care about putting on a “look at me I dont give a shit, look at me how quickly I can go from loving to not caring” performance for anyone.

There will be love, when you open your heart to it.

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The first few days after a relationship or a friendship ended, were the hardest.

And then I set down to do the actual work.

I am lovable. I am lovable. I am lovable.

Hello,hope y'all doin good, i came to Quora to share my strange story , a very weird one , a story when luck smiled at me ,maybe u will enjoy it , let's begin,have fun... A year ago ,I was a real porn addicted(btw I was 18) ,but never had sex before, I don't have a gf I didn't try to find one even ,always thinking to go to find a sex worker but then I just don't , everyday watching different bodies getting fucked and everyday enjoying. One day, I was watching porn, a big ass lady with big boobs ,just after seeing her the image of my female cousin poped in my mind, (let's introduce her : she's 35 years old , very big ass , nice boobs ,not very big but nice,always wearing tight clothes , she's divorced ) and I thought of me fucking her ,I never had sexual desires for her but now I do days went by and when I met her I was so horny ,I couldn't stay with the family cz my penis was clearly erected , I realized this is my first time I get horny for one of my family ,it not illegal in my country.well to make a long story short( if u want details just text me I will tell u 😊),I decided to give her signs that I want to fuck her,finally I decided to have sex and with my cousin , I thought it is the best beggining for me, i started touching her when I came across her in a narrow place , make her feel my hard cock when we hug , I thought it will hard and I will be ashamed but no , I felt nothing and she said nothing , probably she thought it was by mistake,anyways, I decided then to talk with her about sex, waited for her to be alone in a room and talk with her, I confessed everything about me watching porn and addicted..etc,she said it's normal and u are growing up and u must have sex,well at that time I was like whaaat????? Well I didn't control myself and asked her for sex ( horny like I Ve never been before) she said that she will think Abt it ,2 weeka went by then she called me ,telling that she reserved a room in a hotel and we meet tonight ,we met,and bruuhh, sex is great , I mean, I had to find a pirstitue ,what I was waiting for to have such a feeling ????, I will never forget that night, I started kissing her she was kissing hard ,she misses sex so bad , she sucked my dick and swallowed my semen ,I felt I'm in a dream , then when fucked ,her ass was very big and the anus was open ,didn't struggle to get my hard cock inside it , she was obviously missing sex , she was shouting ,fuck me yh fuck me , I go fast after every word until I cum , we did that 3 times , then we went to her pussy , using condoms I fucked her so hard the moans were higher , everything was perfect ,in the end I asked her to lick her body , licked pussy ,ass, boobs,then she sucked my cock until we sleeped ,all I know that she was dirty ,well before even having sex with her I knew she is an open minded woman , and a woman that looks that she donesnt know anything , but she knows everything, but never expected having sex with her ,well she was horny and that helped...but no one of us regretted that sex ever.. We still have sex from time to time ,and I started having sex with sex workers , joining threesomes..etc If u want pics of her text me.

Caught in a cycle of self loathing, going brutal on myself because thats what lack of self love does to you, I simply felt I cannot go on.

It can be the romantic kind where someone spreads their arms like shahrukh khan and sings for you, it can be the quiet kind where your friend listens to you sobbing on the phone, it can be the crazy kind where your room mate swings you around and forces you to dance as your favourite song blares on in the background. And it can be the “feeling everything” kind, when your sister hugs you tight and refuses to let go.

The world is ending, the world is ending, the world is ending.

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There will be love.

And here’s the thing. Whether its a broken heart, or losing a loved one, you always remember your first’s as you heal from the grief.

And you replace resentment and anger with joy and fill your shattered heart with gratitude.

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I was hurt. I was sad. I was heartbroken. I felt I had done something terrible to deserve feeling like this. I felt unloved. I felt small and trivial and disrespected.

The first run. The first hike. The first learning how to pump the cycle. The first solo trip. The first snowfall of the season. The first of doing everything that you felt you couldn’t do without them.

And I gave myself permission to feel all of that, and to discard any shame attached to feeling too much.

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So when a friend asked me why cant you just move on, I didnt defend my stance. I did not act cool. I did not pretend to be strong. I decided to allow myself to feel the full impact of the emotions I felt.

The first time you got out of your depressive spell and gave a great seminar. The first patient that came up to you smiling, telling you that they feel so much better, thus ending your days of hibernation.

And I did the best thing I could do for myself. I seeked out professional help. If I hadnt been heartbroken, I wouldn’t have been pushed to seek therapy and find a therapist actually suited to my needs.

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As you watch everyone giggle away, you realise that this is probably the first time in a long time, when you havent thought of them at all. That you havent felt this happy in ages, something that you presumed you will never feel anymore.

You are way stronger and way more resilient that you can ever imagine. Your mere existence is proof that you are going to make it out alive. Every single time. You are going to be okay. Believe in that will you?

I am still living. I am able to show up at work. I am able to sleep. People are kind to me.

I will never get over this. I shall never be loved again.

I would lay on the stone cold kitchen floor, my face against the granite and let tears roll down. I would struggle to get out of bed. I would skip meals, and this sinking, gnawing feeling in my heart was a constant companion following me everywhere I went.

What exists is this version of you, vulnerable, raw, honest and kind. You are exactly who you are meant to be.

Push my body out of the room, drag myself down the road next to the beach, even as flashbacks of the relationship plagued me, even though panic attacks would hit me when I least expected it.

What is perfection anyway? Not feeling, not being flawed, not getting affected, not being sensitive? Thats not human, thats a mannequin on waltair street.